Thursday, November 17, 2005

the chip shop...

It is with great dismay that I watch one of the cornerstones of our society slowly disappear. As a child, it was one of the highlights of the week to go down the local chippy and to pick up a delicious portion of fish and chips. Lots of salt and vinegar… absolute heaven! Now though it is so difficult to find them at all. Why? What has happened? I do like the odd kebab, and I am a fan of pizza, but there are times when only fish and chips will do. So, as I have witnessed this decline in numbers of the good old chippy, I can’t help but see the rise in stupidity. Hmm… Strange you may say, but look at this logically. Fish we have been told for years is brain food. It apparently helps our cognitive functions and therefore we stay somewhat clever. If I can then draw your attention to its replacement – the doner kebab. Not brain food, but processed chopped bits of red meat. Again, pause and think about this… Now, if you then consider the nation who consumes the most processed red meat in the world, and who also has the highest percentage of obese dumb bastards in the world, then I think you will start to see where I am going with my little investigation. It is all perfectly logical! It all adds up. So, the only thing we have to do is build more fish and chip shops, and the country’s evolutionary rise will put any nation to shame. We were an empirical force when there was a chippy on every high street. Look what we have become… So for the sake of the nation, and our children, and for fear of becoming as stupid as the Swedish, let’s bring back the chippy!!

3 comments:

Corina said...

Funny because in June I was in Belgium and had a similar discussion about the fact that they have outlawed free-standing french-fry stands. They were the best!! The reason for the new law was sanitation..which, come on...if we're purposely paying for a 250 gram pack of fries, do you think we actually care how they made them?
Cori

phil k said...

nationalism? tut tut ,gavin.
tut tut indeed.
greatest evil in the world you know, is nationalism.

gavin said...

you know i'm not a nationalist. just a comedian... i know you laughed...