Friday, November 11, 2005

broken...

it's very difficult to see someone you love very much have to struggle through the chaos of life. it's almost unbareable to witness. i can take it when it's happening to me, but not some beautiful undeserving soul. the frustration of being able to do nothing really but listen. agony! why do these things all come at the same time? in order to make sure you really do break? my view is that at these times you really do know there is a god. the times when eveything goes wrong. this sadistic piece of shit with his dark sense of humour... not the beautiful things, not the enlightening times, nor the peaceful times, but the terrible ones. ahh... i don't know... it just really fucks me off! i just really can't deal with those i love sooo much having to bare these psychological crosses. they aren't even physical wars where you pull out your scarred war torn fists and say 'come on you bastard!' it's those internal battles that consume you for every waking second,and refuse to release you until you barely have the energy to crawl, much less stand or walk. its when you have cried so much there are no tears left. it's when you are staying in bed more hours of the day than out of it. BROKEN... it's one of those words that really have potency. it's linguistically perfect. it somehow sounds like the emotion. the whole process is so very strange tho. when you do come out the other side it's all like a bad trip. when you wake in the morning and reflect on the night it all seems like a bad dream. you can't and won't forget it, and you are aware of how horrific it was, but it all seems so far away. you remember how completely distraught you were, but it's like the event was so traumatic that it seems dreamlike. i have watched some of the most beautiful people in the world suffer through tragedies so evil, and some even be taken from me. you wouldn't even script things so dark, but they survived, and are now greater warriors for the cause. so this is for all of you, my brothers and sisters in arms, and to our eternal struggle. don't let the bastard grind you down!!! x

3 comments:

Alexander said...

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Smokey said...

Bogging down the blog
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Bridgitte said...

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