rain cloud...

it has been a very long time since writing anything of worth on here. this is partly to do with having lots of uni work to do, but also partly to do with lack of inspiration. recently, i have had strong suspicions that the proverbial gods(every damned one of them) have taken enjoyment in giving me my own personal rain cloud(and that is saying something with british weather so far this year...), created by them personally pissing on, and laughing at me. others may have physically seen the odd day(3-4 days at a push) of sunshine, but not me. oh no! i have had this wonderful cloud of divine urine floating over my head at all times, which is just big enough to prevent even my ankle being touched by a ray of warmth. ahh... it has been terribly enjoyable... that is until monday when two beautiful things began the demise of my recent companion the cloud...

the first was going to see my sister shelley(aka rainbow) perform her final pieces of music for her degree in derby at a small theatre. she was fantastic! one of the pieces was dedicated to me which caused an upside down frown to form on my face. strange sensation of late...

the second was beginning to read the solitaire mystery by the incomparable jostein gaarder. it is such a wonderful book! i have read sophie's world and maya in the past, but hadn't gotten round to this one yet. he has this beautifully simple way of saying the most intensely complicated things!

it's the story if a young boy and his father travelling from norway to greece in search of their mum/wife, and an account of their conversations along the way. i won't go into too much detail, but you should get this book asap at all costs. i have smiled more in the last three days than i have in a long time...

one of the things he talks about is that people forget how amazing our existence is. think about it for a few seconds....? think about the chain of events over millennia that have led to you being sat in front of your computer right now! it is absolutely insane to think about! the chances of every single one of your ancestors pulling through severe illness, or a cruel war, a natural disaster, maybe a shipwreck, a stabbing, or a near suicide. it could have been any one of a million things, but they did, and you are reading this my friend... think again...? you see!?!? if one link in the chain had snapped there would be someone else here instead...

the thing is, we don't know the distant past or the future, and i don't care to argue whether we came from a single cell or a grand designer. these things are absolutely irrelevant to me! i am here! i fucking exist... and it's the most amazing thing!! we spend all this time discusssing things which are extremely interesting(i do like a philosophical discussion, and the odd glass of wine... sometimes at the same time...), but let us not forget to enjoy this amazing gift we have been given to the absolute fullest!! the odds of us being here individually to experience this playground of life is billions to one. we are the lucky ones!!

gaarder said this on page 107, "the unlucky ones...don't exist. they were never born. life is one huge lottery ticket where only the winning tickets are visible."

so many are blind to what they have been given. they slave away for the man, and they buys lots of pretty shiny things, and then they get fucked because of debt and work related stress... i am not saying that i am an angel, far from it, but it's vitally important to continually look at life through the eyes we were born with - those eyes of abolute amazement! we need to fall in love with our existence again and again because it truly is wonderful! like any relationship, there are times when you are pissed off and can't be bothered and just want to end it, but then at the very breaking point, you remember why you are there and all the things that you love about them/it/whatever...

there are some dark people, and some dark things go on here, but being numbed by their evil only serves to make us more detached and apathetic, and essentially hands the battle to them. i'll be damned!! we must remember what we have and struggle with purpose and vigour to protect those things, or rather this thing - human existence. our ancestors bled, fought, and cried for us which demands that we do the same for our future generations. i will always fight to protect this beautiful thing!! what about you?

it's been too long...

i have just realised that i have not posted a blog for a month!?! not good... deadlines are looming for uni, so hasn't been at the front of my mind. i will be returning on a regular basis after the 15th of may - my final day at uni. i'm seeing radiohead and dave matthews next week too, so should help top up the inspiration levels! in the meantime check out 'brick'. it's been done by friends of friends. support the little guys!! see ya soon...